Prefer the full essay version? Read the complete Why Before How article here. It shares the same ideas in their original form — reflective, detailed, and written to help you understand the “why” behind this guide. 1. Core Principle Every action communicates something. Behavior is never random; it’s a message about comfort, pain, or environment. The right first question isn’t “How do I stop this?”  but “Why is this happening?” This applies equally to autistic adults in residen

I keep seeing the same question in autism-parent and caregiver spaces: "How do I make their behavior better?" or, "How do I deal with their reactions to X, Y, and Z?". I know those questions come from concern, from exhaustion, from wanting life to run smoothly again. But they all start from the wrong place. They start with How. The first question should always be Why. Don’t have time for the full essay? Click here for the condensed caregiver guide — everything in this piece,

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